Better Than Sasuke
by RandomDustBunnyzAngel
Summary: This isn't but the chapter itself was, Especially Chouji going all Butterfree. A sure stupid parody type thing -that is only a parody because it fits into no other category- for chap 533. Don't like bad jokes? Don't read.


**There's no middle ground for this parody, it's just stupid.**

**Warnings: Foul language though not as bad, bad jokes, slight character bashing, OOC-ness to a degree , bad writing, and weirdness, It's come up a couple of times so it's being added :p**

**thankies: Yuti-chan, QueenOfFanFicWorldLoveGunner, Princess Zathura :3 squeek and VampQueen37 for the fav.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own naruto Masashi Kishimoto and Tvtokyo and VIZ Media Do!**

**Start**

Angst, tears, blood and sweat. Put these things together and what do you get? A very smelly action sequence that's what! Yes, yes love the stench, cause it's worth it.

With Chouji going all Inkblot (Tell me what do you see?) in the corner and shikamaru literally dragging him away from their old teacher.

"Shit," he muttered.

Why did he say that we have no idea, since he managed to pull his teammate back just far enough for Ino to tackle Chouji out of the path of Asuma's giant gust of very strong wind. It just seems like a feat to celebrate then one to curse.

But who cares about things like that? we have more important things to do, like passing the buck and blaming a poor unfortunate soul with being weak, and fazing over to the side fights that we care about. Oh Kishi is such a tease.

Speaking of tease,"It's magic feather duster to the rescue from here on out," TenTen clutched the sparkling weapon -that just tore apart on of Kakuzu's hearts like cheese in a blender- to her chest with a large smile.

Okay enough of that, back to the main fight.

"Did Chouji's inability to become a douche like me injure either of you?," Shikamaru asked with a kunai in hand, raised about chest high.

"No, we're okay," Ino answered, patting Chouji's back in a comforting way, you know like a good friend. (Last month it was Arnold this month it's just rip on pineapple head)

"Chouji," The Nara began, only to be interrupted by the chunkier of the group.

"Don't start with me!," See where the OOC-ness comes in?,"You're such a hardass sometimes," Chouji screamed.

Shikamaru flinched back before hardening his expression and barking,"If it wasn't for me you'd still be a lowly gennin!,"

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have a hernia festering in my gut! The stress man, the stress is killing me!," The Akimichi flailed his arms around in exasperation.

This must be what it's like to tell your overbearing boss off.

"What about me?," Asuma peeped in with a lazy throw of his hands.

"What about you?~!," Shikamaru and Chouji chorused, cold eyes glaring at him.

"Hot Kami chouji, you need to stop blubbering you useless fatass and get over here and kill me!,"

"Asuma-sensei," Ino and pineapple head both gasped at his crudeness.

It's official everybody is an ass to Chouji!

It was a good plan though, because we all know Chouji has quite the temper when it comes to people insulting his weight and bringing up childhood trauma's. So he screamed like banshee (What is that anyway?) and went to hit Asuma in the face, but stopped as memories flooded his mind.

All those times at the BBQ place, training together, shooting fleas with airsoft pistols. Those son'bitches may be tiny but the hunt is half the fun.

Seeing this Shikamaru did his first good deed of this arc, he readied his fist knuckle blades just as Asuma pulled out two kunai. You can tell by the sound/action effect text bubble.

Shikamaru threw one of his blades at Asuma, who noticed and blocked it by throwing one of his kunai, deflecting it.

"Damnit Chouji!," He yelled in shock.

"Watch out!," The Zombji sensei swiped at Chouji who immediately grabbed his arm to stop him. It worked so why didn't they just tie him down to begin with?

Better question, why did it take so long for the blades to come back down? it's like one full action sequence later, ta-da we're back!

Along with Ino's mind-body handsign.

Can I be honest and say the mini squishy bean people behind Ino are distracting me.

The blonds body went limp

'_Isn't she helpful,'_ The leaf chuunin thought bitterly, as she began to fall and a Zetsu burst through the cloud of smoke -that always appears just to make things more epic- and charged at her. The Nara had it covered though, with his shadow possession (Too lazy to google the japanese name) he caught not only caught her but made her fend Zetsu off with a swift kick to stomach/chest mouth. He can jump to the rescue but chooses not to, guess it's too bothersome to put the effort out.

"Thanks for the help!," Chouji-er INO called back to him.

Shikamaru groaned, his arms burning,"Hey, no problem," It's not like you're DOING anything.

Inside Chouji's head Ino was beginning the nag fest, "Listen, I know it may not seem like it, but me and Shikamaru know how you feel. We're team Asuma, meaning we're the only ones who can defeat him," Yeah because nobody else knows his moves, knuckle blades, belch of doom. Those are things only teenagers can go up against.

Honestly can't we just strap him to a sheep? It'll be much easier on everyone.

"Did you forget the oath of sacred earring?~!," Of LOVE?

Oh yeah this reminds me, Why do so many ninja wear jewelry? Gaara wears three ear-rings, these guy wear a pair, Itachi wore a necklace, Hashirama wore a necklace, the pain bodies were human pincushions. Just why?

Cue nervous glance over to earring and flashback.

_Flashback_

_In an office, no real detail here cause there's not much to say._

_"And now with all our members chuunins, our team is officially disbanded, bye bye everybody have nice lives," Asuma, who sat at a desk with his three student standing in front of him, said happily,"Live long and prosper, be sure to have lots of kids and die like a shinobi, With tears in your eyes and pee in your pants," That was gross, "Oh yeah before you go, here are some fine studs for you guys!," he slid forward a wooden box held closed by a ribbon._

_"Uh, sensei, we're guys," SHikamaru rose an eyebrow at the gift._

_"Says the boy wearing the hoop!,"_

_Those things can be scary in a dark alleyway. (What? WHO'S THERE?~!)_

_"Now go turn those girlie things in and get prissy," Asuma waved them off._

_End flashback_

That flashback levels even with Jiraiya in a frog suit but not nearly as disturbing.

"Talking about disturbing anybody remember the fairy fiasco," Shikamaru asked in a tone that said, he remembered very clearly and was sure the others did too. It was that kind of event.

"Fairy wings..." Ino's mind shivered.

"I still have scars," Chouji muttered.

Suddenly, for some reason, The Akamichi's dad fell over, dividing the battlefield with his massive form.

"CHOUZA!," Asuma shouted, shocked.

Then for no reason we're sucked into a parallel memory, where Asuma actually told us who the ''king'' he was always yapping about was.

"_The kings are the cihldren of the leaf...The future generations,"_ The dying Asuma gasped. Okay that is pretty sweet.

_"Protect my king"_

And with that, we _FINALLY_ see little Pablo being held by Kurenai! And he's so cute! yes I am skipping over the rest of the flashback panels, they're nothing but pointless information.

"Your talky, talky is ruining my flashback!," The Nara bitched.

"Your flashback is ruining my inner conflict!," Chouji cried, grasping his internal mind head (That doesn't make nay sense)

"Your BOTH ruining my death sequence!," Asuma's body began to spark.

"Hello?," Ino called, the feeling of everyone ignoring her wasn't pleasant.

the giant Chouza groaned, at his sons sad face, "Man up boy! Think back to the conversation we had when you were a toddler, you must remember!,"

Role the grainy clip.

_000_

_Tiny Tim makes his first cameo in this series, as we see tiny -but still chubby- Chouji sitting on his dads shoulders, listening intently as he explained the three clan symbols that were on some sacred rock in the middle of a forest. is it possible to have a cuteness induced seizure? cause I think I'm having one__ (Yay oneliners...And Italics!) _

_"Let's see...On the right is the Akimichi clan symbol, in the middle is the Nara clan symbol, and on the left is the ...Yamanaka clan symbol," Chouza explained. What was that pause about?, "All three clans have worked together for generations and all of them have mastered some super awesome ninja technique. To strengthen our obviously fruity unity, the sarutobi clan," A clan that's never been mentioned ever, "has made it a tradition to give each clans newest generation a pair of earrings when they come of age,"_

_Now that's a tradition, why pass on something USEFUL like a sword or some rare special clan relic, when you have earrings. they don't even make good fishing weights!_

_"So I'll have to get my ears pierced some day to?," Tiny chibi Chouji asked in a frightening voice. _

_"Yep,"_

_"But it'll huuuuurt,"_

_It sure will pudgy, it sure will. I guess._

_We then skip and one __undeterminable __timeline later we see fifteen year old chouji and his dad, standing in a doorway, passing each other a pair of earrings. _

_"You're a man now son," The older Akamichi said proudly._

_Yeah, nothing signifies a boys pass into manhood like a stud in the ear. It's attractive._

_Chouji looked at the glistening earrings before muttering,"Um, hey,"_

_"What?," Chouza blinked, well he doesn't really blink so, whatever a closed eye version of that is._

_"Do you think I'll ever get married?," That sounds suspiciously like that one scene from Spongebob (MAGIC CONCH!)_

_Chouza gapped,"Boy you know that thing Asuma always tells you you're lacking? Well it's confidence. look at me I got married,"_

_"That reminds me, whatever happened mom?," Chouji squinted._

_Squished._

_"Uh, it's not important," The red haired man sweated, "The time has come for you to take your oath! You know the words so lets get to it!,"_

_end flashback_

As we come back to reality Chouji starts an internal commentary about how he thought the older get got the stronger and tougher he would get, which as anyone with common sense would knows, isn't the case.

"Chouza hurry up!," A ninja cried as he fending off a rabid Zetsu with a stick in the shape of a spear.

The young leaf chuunin (The FAT one) dropped his head,"I thought the oath was just a stupid ceremony," It was.

The oath is floating around us, sweet Rikudo sannin how did he memorize all that? (Seriously what's his secret? I can't remember my own phone number)

"Okay Ino, I'm done bruding, switch us back,"

The Yamanaka blinked at her teammate,"Are you sure?,"

"Yes I feel very manly now," Chouji said with confidence.

Ino shrugged, it was three strikes and your out, so if he failed this time it wouldn't be on her.

"I can do it!," The Akamichi's body glowed brightly as his body thinned and giant butterfly wings (Moth wings if you want to get technical) sprouted from his back.

Congratulations our Meta-jo has evolved into Butterfree.

"That'a boy, that's the face I wanted to see," Asuma smiled in pride.

You mean cold somberness and a fierce determination that is barely willing back tears? cause that's the look you got. And with that the chapter ends (*echo* ends, ends, ends,)

**Random tiiime**

The school bells rang as the students of the leaf Villages ninja academy filed into their classroom that period and sat in their respective seats, none with more gusto than one Naruto Uzumaki.

It was the end of a two week long project and he couldn't have been more excited.

Our little ball of yellow fluff and energy, plopped down next to Kiba, setting his project on the table just as the dog boy had he grinned happily as he heard the door open for the last time.

"Good morning class," Iruka greeted.

"Good morning Iruka-sensei," the class chorused back boredly.

Sensing the irritable aura glowing around most of the students -it was supposed to be a free day after all- he got strait to the point so as to get this whole evaluation done and over with and get home to catch a few more hours of sleep -did he mention the sun wasn't even up yet?-.

quickly he began going down the center staircase in between the rows of desks, starting from the back as he reached the front Naruto could hear his compliments,"Very nice Hinata,"

The shy Hyuuga blushed and whispered a tiny ''Thank you''

As the teacher began to work his way down to him, Naruto couldn't help but get fidgety, his knee bouncing under the wooden desk. Annoyed, Kiba glared, but it didn't do any good, the blond was already so hyped up the building could collapse and he wouldn't care.

"Excellent Sasuke, among all the others I've seen yours is by far the healthiest,"

The Uchiha grunted, his ego swelling in pride.

Iruka gave Kiba's a quick once over and nodded, before finally, FINALLY making it over to Naruto. Who by this time was almost frothing at the mouth.

"N-Naruto?," Iruka's stuttering caught Naruto's attention so quick Kiba thought he'd broken his neck.

"Hm?," The young boy tilted his head mutely.

"Where's _your_ tree?,"

"Right here,"

Naruto grinned a large cat like grin as he pushed the small tree towards his teacher.

Iruka couldn't believe it, it-it...The tree was not only a healthy light green but was even more full than Sasuke's -which poked the young Uchiha's nerves-. The chuunin's seal was still on the bark of the tiny bonsai.

"There's no way that thing is yours," Iruka said in disbelief.

"Well it is," Naruto crossed his arms stubbornly.

"I-...I don't know what to say,"

"Say Its better than Sasuke's,"

Iruka smiled nervously as he began to sweat,"I don't think-,"

Naruto climbed onto the desk and grabbed the brunette by the collar of his shirt, which barely stuck out of his green vest,"Say its _BETTER_ than _SASUKE'S_,"

Iruka whimpered in fear.

**(Tried to keep the question marks to a minimum this time)**

**End:**

**Nya, I wonder if Chouji is going to be all weak and stuff when the fight is over like he was after the last time he went into that Super butterfly mode. How long was he out again? Like a couple of weeks or months. I dun remember! D:**

**Thank you for reading, please review, favorite and all that good stuff. Bye!**


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